Tuesday, August 4, 2015

An argument against race mixing

I said it to everyone’s faces,
I don’t believe in mixing races.
            Sprinters should run real fast;
            Marathoners to last.
All you athletes should keep to your places.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

What happened to Tom Brady’s phone?

What happened to Tom Brady’s phone?
Is it lost?  Did it break?  Was it thrown?
     His last call?  From Gisele,
    Who was giving him hell
For deflation when they’re alone.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

There once was an actor named Ian

There once was an actor named Ian
Whose 90210-ness was dyin’.
            So he teamed up with Tera
            In a SyFy scara.
Now the Sharknado franchise is flyin’.

Watch for Sharknado 3:  Oh, Hell No! to be shown repeatedly on the SyFy network.  It will make you feel better about some of the choices you have made in the past.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Superman has good reason to vent.

Superman has good reason to vent.
Everybody knows he is Clark Kent.
            Luthor gave him a shock
            When he bought the whole block
And quintupled Superman’s rent.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Obscure Saturday Night Live reference limerick

When Chris and Pat finally were wed,
Their post on Facebook simply said,
             “There are no invitations
            For closed-minded relations,
We are inviting the Supreme Court instead.”

Monday, June 8, 2015

There once was a fellow named Earl

There once was a fellow named Earl
Who once was a woman named Pearl.
            On the very first day
            He got a raise in pay
Just for letting his pee-place unfurl.

Support EGE -- Economic Gender Equity

Friday, May 29, 2015

The arrests of the top guys at FIFA*

The arrests of the top guys at FIFA*
Should not be beyond our beliefa.
            They developed the knack
            Of handling a kickback
Not like a defenda – a thiefa.




*Sorry, I don’t know that the letters mean.  I don’t speak soccer.
 

Thursday, May 28, 2015

It’s National Hamburger Day!

It’s National Hamburger Day!
Throw your better judgment away!
            A single Quarter-Pounder*
            Can’t make you much rounder.
And the waif look is just so passé.

*Quarter-Pounder** is a registered trademark of McDonalds.
**Royale in France.

Monday, May 25, 2015

We see “Happy Memorial Day”

We see “Happy Memorial Day”
Plastered all over Facebook today.
            Remember the price
            Of their sacrifice.
It’s not just a day off with pay.

Remember the heroes Flight 93.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

There once was a fellow named Letterman.

There once was a fellow named Letterman.
On TV there just was no better man.
            For so many years,
            Each one of his peers
Has admitted to being a debtor, man.

Monday, May 18, 2015

There once was a computer hacker

There once was a computer hacker
Who said, “I’m an airline attacker!”
            He may be smart as hell,
            But to own up and tell?
Seems to me, he’s a common sense lacker.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

There once was a QB named Brady

There once was a QB named Brady
Who everyone knew played it shady.
            This talentless hack
            Just holds the Pats back.
We hope Coach Bill starts thinking trady.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has received a 4-game suspension for having theoretically knows that footballs used in games were slightly underinflated.  Hanging is too good for him!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

There was a character named Burns

There was a character named Burns
Who said to his assistant, Smithers,
            “Tell Flanders we're leaving,
            No time for the grieving.
Meet us at the station with Skinner.”

Harry Shearer, voice actor of the above characters and more on the Stimsons, is leaving the long running animated series over a contract dispute.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

On this National Day of the Limerick

On this National Day of the Limerick
We offer to you not a Grimerick,
            Not a Slim- or a Trim-,
            Certainly not a Prim-.
From the archives, we present a Quimerick.

From September 28, 2008

“I’m a big margarita,” said Kim,
Pouring tequila in her quim.
            She squirted fresh lime juice,
            All over her cooce
And even put salt on the rim.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

May the Fifth is a glorious day.

May the Fifth is a glorious day.
It’ll make your troubles fade away.
            With each margarita
            What was sour is sweeta.
It’s a Mexican St. Patrick’s Day!